Gloop

Gwyneth Paltrow ("Gwynny") has started a mawkish website called "GOOP" (and there's fun to be had working out what the acronym stands for: Grindingly Obvious, Overbearingly Prissy, perhaps?). I've signed up for the weekly email, naturally, and have suffered through Gwynny's tips on what to wear (just a little Dior is so chic; the fashion section is called, acquisitively, GET), how to get into LA's best restaurants even if the chef's not a personal friend, what to give as a gift (cashmere socks!) and how to cook for "the holidays".

This week's tips are for detoxing after one ate too much in said "holidays". Having followed Gwynny's tips to the letter, of course, including those to-die-for chocolates and the massive turkey, one now needs one's personal nutritionist to advise one on the best detox diet. And here's Day One:

DAY ONE
7am (or upon rising): Glass of room temperature lemon water
8am: Herbal tea
10am (breakfast): Blueberry and Almond Smoothie
11:30am: Coconut water*
1:30pm (lunch): Salad with Carrot and Ginger Dressing
4pm (snack): A handful of mixed pumpkin and sunflower seeds
6pm (dinner): Broccoli and Arugula Soup
*Make sure that the coconut water has no added sugar. Fresh is ideal but the brands Zico or Vita Coco are readily available.

Than this, I got no further. Is it just me, or is it not thoroughly depressing? But as if this were not bad enough:

NEXT WEEK
Next week my fitness guru, Tracy Anderson, gives us an exclusive video to get our butt in shape for the new year!

I can hardly wait, Gwynny. "Our" butt (whose "butt" is that, exactly?) sorely needs it.